Decembre al meu

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

This is my December
These are my snow-covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need

And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

Explicatie

Maybe I just wanna touch you for your warm inside again
Maybe I just wanna let you the sweetest pleasure is me
I don't know why why but I love to see you cry
I don't know why why it just makes me feel like

Are you coming to the moment
When you know your heart can break
I'm inside you
I'm around you
Just wanna hear you cry again
I don't know why why but I love to see you cry
I don't know why why it just makes me feel like
I don't know why why but I love to see you cry
I don't know why why but it just makes me feel like

You don't know how much it hurts when you fall asleep in my arms
before the morning comes
I wanna run away, I wanna run away
I don't know why
I don't know why
I don't know why
I don't know why why but I love to see you cry
I don't know why why it just makes me feel like
I don't know why why but I love to see you cry
I don't know why why but it just makes me feel like

Cand Prometeu si Afrodita se intalnesc...

Avem un Prometeu. Al 33-lea dar tot Prometeu ramane. Avem o Afrodita care crede ca este si o Atena! Avem o contradictie?! Pacat de Romeo! Si vai de Juliet! Actually everything is very romantic... I am fuck'n Zeus!:)...or Oedip?!

Inapoi la originar (totusi ne-original)

Originar suntem singuri. La inceput singuri in intunericul amniotic. Dupa aceea devenim singuri printre ceilalti. Desi exista maya, iluzia comunicarii, a realului, iluzia non-singuratatii. Reusim sa ne pacalim - multi dintre noi - cu aceste minciuni: comunicare, siguranta, relatie, iubire, prietenie... Ne construim iluzii peste iluzii, intram in cercuri inchise auto-pacalitoare... dar vom ajunge la sfarsit sa plecam asa cum am venit: singuri.

La mine s-a mai inchis un cerc. Am mai alungat o iluzie. Am mai terminat un an. L-am terminat exact asa cum l-am inceput: singur. Partea negativa este ca sunt singur si nesigur. Anul trecut eram singur si sigur. Hm... oare am invatat ceva anul asta?! Nu. Mi-am subminat singur increderea in mine, increderea in ceilalti. Nu-i nimic... Mi-am mai deconstruit un mit, o iluzie... Sau mi-am reconfirmat teoria starii originare. Am fost si soare, am fost si nori. Am ras, am plans... Am fost realist si self-deceiving (cateodata in acelasi timp!). Am fost eu cel originar: rau, egoist, capabil de ura, irational-meschin, contradictoriu... Am fost eu-cel-originar. Am fost singur. Pentru ca daca ma insel ar fi trebuit ca anul acesta sa fiu bun, egocentric, rational-romantic, plin de iubire si sigur de mine. Ar fi trebuit sa nu fiu singur.

Anul viitor promit sa fiu cum nu am fost anul acesta: cinic si sceptic. Pana la urma sunt singurele atitudini rationale.

Mi-ar mai fi de adaugat: atentie la persoanele cu care alegem sa fim singuri. Atentie la circumferinta cercurilor inchise in care traiesc persoanele cu care alegem sa fim singuri. Atentie la iluziile persoanelor cu care alegem sa fim singuri. :) :(

Bridget Jones' Diary 1

Fizic: 64 de kile, vreo 56 de tigari average/zi, 2 kile de bere minim/zi (media pe ultimele 4 zile), mancare prea putina. Afectiv: nici o iubita, slabe sanse sa se intample in curand asta. Afectiv 2: still in love with A. Perspective de iubire/a fi iubit: 0. A nice Christmas to everybody! :)

Like a leaf

A morning breeze through my window
Some sun rays gone strange
There is one on my pillow
Waiting for someone to wake
Waiting for someone to break

Makes me feel just like a leaf

Like a leaf in the breeze
In the morning but still asleep
Slowly falling to the ground Without a sound

Morning breaks in the shadows
And mist from the near lying lake
Making shapes of the willows
Outside my window they wait
waiting for someone to take

Makes me feel just like a leaf

Like a leaf in the breeze
In the morning but still asleep
Slowly falling to the ground Without a sound

I say please, please believe me
If I would stay
just for the day
I would always be around

Slowly falling to the ground
Without a sound

Island Earth (to feel alone...)

It seems like a world unreal
When you're caught with a heart of stone
And you wonder just how it feels
How it feels not to feel alone

How it feels not to feel alone

You find the tempo too slow
I know you want more
You find the tempo too slow
I know you wanna to go

You never wonder of what is real
and you walk on the way, you've come
And you feel just how it feels
How it feels not to feel alone

How it feels not to feel alone

You find the tempo too slow
I know you want more
You find the tempo too slow
I know you wanna to go

Oh, when you're alone

Short. Vodka...

Nu credeam ca am sa mai ajung sa o mai beau: vodka. Nu credeam ca daca voi mai ajunge s-o beau nu voi mai fi inteles... Sunt un monstru alcoolic...dar totusi nu sunt. Pana acum 80 de minute ne-am simtzit bine... pana cand am scapat eu prima tura de mancare in neant. \Neant pe care l-am umplut... cu ceapa, ardei, morcovi, mirodenii... si da, fara ciuperci. Si da, am baut vodka. Si nu, nu am chef de cearta! ...

Lifting the shadows of a dream

He seems alone and silent
Thoughts remain without an answer
Afraid and uninvited
He slowly drifts away

Moved by desire and fear
Breaking delicate wings

Lifting shadows
Off a dream once broken
She can turn a drop of water
Into an ocean

As the rain is pouring down
Tears of sorrow wash his mind
Drifting with the current
This stream of life flows on

He seems alone and silent
Waiting on his hands and knees
The chill of winters darkness sits quietly

Moved by desire and fear
He takes a few steps away

Lifting shadows
Off a dream once broken
She can turn a drop of water
Into an ocean

And she listens openly

He pours his soul into the water
Reflecting the mystery
She carries him away
And the winds die slowly

And she listens openly
And she listens openly

Lifting shadows
Off a dream once broken
She can turn a drop of water
Into an ocean

Lifting shadows off a dream
Lifting shadows off a dream

(Dream Theater - Lifting the shadows of a dream)

Cu toate sentimentele mele fata de tine... :)

Cu toate sentimentele mele fata de tine... :) Sunt nebun... No further comment!

In polemica cu tine

"Sa ii contrazica pe ceilalti.Sa le dovedeasca nimicnicia lor dar fara a se arata superioara intr-un fel jignitor. Ci doar altfel. Diferit. Exista 2 sensuri pe care i le putem aplica: sa fie independenta."

De unde aceasta dorinta de a le demonstra celorlalti nimicnicia? De ce aceasta dorinta? Nu crezi ca ar trebui ca "ea" sa isi dovedeasca ei, in primul rand, propria nimicnicie. Si de ce sa exageram: oamenii nu sunt toti caracterizati de nimicnicie! Si nimicnicie poate insemna si limita: a-ti afla propria limita... A-ti da seama de limitari si a incerca sa le depasesti... dar nu la modul dramatic (cauzator de instatisfactii!) ci incet... Oamenii sunt pot sa apara asa (nimicnici) pentru ca asa vrem noi/ea sa ii vedem/sa ii vada. De ce sa ii contrazica pe ceilalti... contrazicerea ar fi intr-adevar un semn al unui spirit ascutit, critic... dar merita sa fie critica intotdeauna?! Este cumva in razboi cu intreaga lume? Sau doar cu sine si totul se rasfrange asupra lumii? Sau merita, cateodata, sa lase sa se piarda "totul" intr-o secunda (sau mai multe secunde!) doar din cauza unor ochelari de cal care, de altfel, pot fi asa de usor aruncati... Si care este al doilea sens in afara de "independenta"?

Deceptie

Deceptie.

Solitude

Pompos. De-a dreptul bombastic. Oare ce astept de la titlu?! Ma uit la tastatur si vreau sa incerc sa scriu ceva. STIU ca ar fi multe de povestit (da, sunt categoria naratorilor gen Ion Creanga. ...fara creanga). Stiu ca sunt o gramada de urlete in mine care ar trebui sa fie manifeste/manifestate. Urlete- a urla- urlu...intru ce?! M-am cam saturat sa spun... Sa ma spun... Sa ma inteleg dar sa nu fiu inteles (cam cati ani are tipul asta care scrie?! 19_20. nu 27.). (melo)Drama cu neintelesu apare undeva la vreo 20 si ceva de ani. oricum...pana in 25. Dupa aceea cred (si sunt pe nisipuri miscatoare) ca nu mai e cazul. Fuck, scriu deampulea, fortzat... de fapt mi-i foarte dor di fata la care tin. Si fata care e un copil (yet!) si care practica jocurile a la Berne (Transactional Analisys).. si eu stiu ca le practica si totusi intru in ele... Si incep sa nu mai inteleg nimik. Imi dau seama ca nu mai inteleg nimik si ca totul e un joc...dar cum ies? Vreau fata, dar nu-mi plac jocurile... Si-s cam machit.

Dupa 5 minute...

Ar fi fost frumos ca dupa 5 minute al nostru suspendat-inca-in-functie-pana-luni presedinte fost-viitor sa faca ceea ce a anuntat: sa isi dea demisia. Simplu, elegant, notabil - vezi istoria Romaniei p(r)ost-decembriste cand cei care si-au facut mea culpa si si-au dat demisii de onoare sunt numarabili pe degetele de la o mana - , gestul ar fi reprezentat o imensa trambulina de plecare intr-o campanie electorala cu punct terminus inapoi la Cotroceni. Si poate in acel moment al reintoarcerii la Cotroceni romanii ar fi avut presedintele de care au nevoie nu pe cel pe care il merita... Un gest poate modifca radical o mentalitate.
Dupa 5 minute... nu s-a intamplat nimic. Tipic. Romania.

Despre esecul mentalitatilor - Ex-Base

Ceea ce se intampla acum in Romania prin suspendarea lui Basescu nu este un atac sau o victorie a democratiei. Este pur si simplu esecul mentalitatii romanilor. Romania are o populatie imbatranita, ancorata in vechile mentalitati dar care - NOTA BENE! - inca are cuvantul majoritar in procesul electoral. Basescu este exponentul liderului roman din secolul XX: "tatuc" al popo(r)ului, cu accente de mitica, obraznic, popular/populist. Ok, s-ar putea spune ca in 2004 nu prea au existat alternative: base sau poponel. Mda, si asta ne duce cu gandul la un alt esec: acela al clasei politice din Romania. O clasa politica foarte controlabila, amortita, anchilozata, controlata de lideri de grup parlamentar care la randul lor sunt controlabili de grupuri de interese (scuze preluarea vocabulei intens uzitate) economice.
Cam atat... 4 the moment